My foster son initially lived with my brother-in-law, but I had a strong feeling that my brother-in-law was behaving inappropriately with him, and I suspected he might be abusing him. A few weeks ago, I posted about my concerns on another online community, and some people advised me to support my foster son and create a safe environment for him. So, I started treating him like my own nephew and worked on providing emotional support. However, there was an incident where he tried to unzip my pants after we returned from the movie theater. I stopped him immediately, but I think he misunderstood my intentions. He seemed confused and embarrassed, and he apologized profusely, saying he thought I wanted it. I asked him if anyone had asked him to do such things before, and he swore that no one had.
That incident made me even more worried about him. I kept a close eye on him and repeatedly assured him that he could trust me and share anything if he needed help. Apart from that incident, life seemed normal. My brother-in-law and foster son continued to visit us, and we would have brunch together on Sundays. During the Memorial weekend, we went on a short vacation and shared a rental house. I observed my foster son closely, and he appeared to be enjoying the vacation and having fun. However, there were moments when my foster son’s behavior changed temporarily after going out with my brother-in-law alone. I found it odd and mentioned it to my wife, but she dismissed it as typical teenage behavior.
But everything changed last week when my brother-in-law was arrested for distributing child pornography and child sexual abuse. We were asked if our foster son could move in with us, and we agreed. The situation has caused tension within the family, but we’re all trying to cope with and understand what has happened.
On Tuesday, my parents-in-law came to visit, and during dinner, my mother-in-law expressed how much she missed her son. I found her comments inappropriate, especially since my foster son was present. I interrupted her, but then she made a statement at the table, suggesting that her son wouldn’t be in trouble if my foster son hadn’t seduced him. I spoke with her about how inappropriate and harmful her words were, but she continued to insist that my foster son was lying and that children like him are known to manipulate the truth.
After that incident, I told my wife that I don’t want her parents to visit anymore because it wouldn’t be fair to my foster son. I believe it’s our responsibility to protect him and support him during this vulnerable time. However, my wife thinks it would be too extreme and unfair to her parents since they are also trying to process what has happened. She feels it wouldn’t be right to keep them away from their grandchildren.
I believe it would be best if my parents-in-law focused on themselves and their own growth before being around our children. I don’t want to harm our children’s relationship with their grandparents in any way. My main concern is the well-being of my foster son, who is in a fragile state right now.
I’ve been trying to help my wife understand my perspective and explain that this separation would only be temporary as long as her parents work on themselves. However, I’m struggling to get my message across effectively while also acknowledging and respecting her feelings and opinions.
