My teenage son, who is 17 years old, has completely cut off communication with me while maintaining contact with his father, his father’s family, and his stepmother. Following our divorce, which happened several years ago, he struggled to accept it. Our marriage was never healthy, and it was inevitable that it would end. Both of us should have acknowledged the issues earlier to prevent reaching the breaking point. I acknowledge that my infidelity was wrong, just as I don’t condone my ex-husband’s inappropriate behavior.
During the initial stages of our divorce, an order of protection was put in place by the authorities. They provided surveillance at my home and workplace as I felt unsafe around my ex-husband. At that time, my ex-husband disclosed my infidelity to our children, who were 12 and 6 years old at the time. He used hurtful words, referring to me as a “whore” and falsely suggesting that I wanted to be with multiple people.
This created a significant rift between my son and me. He was also informed that I had fabricated the assault charges against his father, with the intent of separating them permanently. However, I made sure not to speak negatively about their father or his family in front of the children, except for one occasion when I tried to explain what had transpired in an age-appropriate manner.
My son rejected my explanation, laughed in my face, and expressed his unwavering belief that his father had never mistreated me. I realized then that my son was being manipulated and poisoned against me, but I held onto the hope that I could mend our relationship.
A few years later, I discovered that my ex-husband had enrolled our son in therapy without informing me or seeking my input. This deeply upset me since I have been the primary custodial parent.
Furthermore, my ex-in-laws, who have been watching my children while I work, conspired to keep me uninformed. They claimed it was my son’s wish to continue therapy and prevented me from canceling his sessions. I only became aware of this after the fact, and I never had any intention of interfering with or canceling any of his appointments.
When I attempted to talk to my son and encourage him to open up to me, he chose to spend a week with his grandparents instead. Unfortunately, I gave in, thinking that some space might be beneficial. However, it turned out to be a mistake. Throughout that week, whenever I would see him while picking up my daughter, he would ignore me completely and turn his back on me.
My ex-sister-in-law continues to treat me in the same manner. After nearly a week of enduring such disrespect, I insisted that my son come home. I made him talk to me, and for a while, things seemed to improve.
However, it became apparent that it was all an act my son put on. He would conveniently find other commitments during my parenting time, claiming that his grandparents (not my parents) needed his help after school, preventing him from coming home.
Curiously, no such interruptions ever occurred during his father’s weekends. He gradually stopped coming home regularly, only visiting for a day or two each week. Even then, he would hardly speak to me unless he needed money or a favor, spending most of his time in his room with the door shut.
Fast forward to this year, my son informed me that he would not be attending his junior prom, despite having a new girlfriend. Although disappointed, I accepted that I might have the opportunity to take pictures of him in a tuxedo next year. A few days later, he asked if he could spend the weekend (which happened to be my custody weekend) with a friend.
Reluctantly, I agreed, though I expressed my frustration and annoyance at the lack of time I was getting to spend with him. I mentioned how much I missed him. A couple of weeks later, I came across a suggested profile on Facebook that made my heart sink.
It was my son’s profile, which I didn’t even know existed. His profile picture showed him with his girlfriend, all dressed up for prom, posing with my ex-husband and his new wife. It hit me that prom had taken place on the weekend he had asked to stay with a friend. I felt foolish for not realizing the truth earlier.
The last time I saw my son was on the Friday of Mother’s Day weekend this year. I went to pick him up from his grandparents’ house, and in the driveway, he informed me that he wouldn’t be coming with his sister and me. It took all my strength not to burst into tears right then and there.
I asked if he was aware that it was Mother’s Day, to which he responded affirmatively, stating that it was his decision whether or not to see me. We left, and I cried the entire way home.
Thankfully, my daughter was there to comfort me during that difficult weekend. Adding to the stress, I am also expecting my third child. It was painful to realize that my son spent Mother’s Day with his father and stepmother, lavishing attention on her once again.
For years, I had noticed him buying gifts or cards for her on occasions such as her birthday and Christmas, but it was different to see it solidified. Meanwhile, he hadn’t even said a simple “Happy Birthday” to me in years, let alone given me a card or flowers for Mother’s Day.
The most I could hope for was an occasional, half-hearted hug in public. I have had to witness my son embrace his father and stepmother tightly, while I received nothing more than a mumbled greeting. It’s challenging to be kind and refrain from speaking ill of the stepmother to my kids, but I know it’s the right thing to do, so I restrain myself.
It sickens me to realize that nobody on that side of the family has ever encouraged my son to maintain a relationship with me, while they have done so with his stepmother.
My ex-mother-in-law has made derogatory remarks about me, which my daughter doesn’t appreciate. According to her, photos of me have stickers covering my face throughout their grandparents’ home. Despite my daughter’s discomfort, her grandmother refuses to take down those photos, stating that she still loves everyone else in them. I hope that my daughter recognizes the improper conduct and realizes that these actions are wrong.
I am left with the assumption that my son despises me because of my infidelity to his father. My ex-husband once told me that our son refuses to respect me, despite his attempts to influence him to do so because I am his mother.
I have done everything in my power to mend our relationship. I have continued to speak positively about their father, and I have refrained from scolding my son for seemingly loving his stepmother more than me, even though she is listed as “Mom” in his phone. My ex-husband has been of no help, merely stating that he doesn’t want to “get involved” in the issues between our son and me, effectively leaving the ball in my son’s court.
My son is now driving, working, has a girlfriend, and splits his time between his father’s house and his grandparents’. I send him a text every week, but I never receive a response. I’m not even certain if he has blocked my number.
He has distanced himself from my parents as well, and this has deeply hurt them. I no longer have any contact with my son, and it is a constant source of pain for me. I often question myself, wondering if I am to blame for this situation.
Am I the one at fault here? That is the question that haunts me. I have made countless efforts to repair the relationship with my son, but they have all been in vain. The rejection and indifference I face from him are overwhelming. It breaks my heart to be treated as though I am invisible, as though I am not worthy of his love or respect.
I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. I constantly wonder if there was something more I could have done or said to prevent this distance from growing between us. I yearn for the chance to have a meaningful connection with my son, to be a part of his life, and to offer my love and support as his mother.
However, despite the pain and confusion I experience, I know deep down that I am not the one to blame entirely. The toxic influence of my ex-husband and his family, who have manipulated my son’s perception of me, cannot be ignored. Their actions and words have poisoned his mind against me, making it difficult for him to see the truth and to form an unbiased opinion.
I am not perfect, and I have made mistakes in my life, but I believe that everyone deserves a chance for forgiveness and understanding. I have taken responsibility for my actions, and I have tried to create a healthy and positive environment for my children. It saddens me that my efforts have gone unnoticed or unappreciated.
As I reflect on the situation, I realize that sometimes, despite our best intentions and efforts, relationships can become strained or broken. It is a painful reality to accept, but I must also prioritize my own well-being and focus on the love and connection I share with my other children.
I am not the asshole in this situation. I am a mother who loves her son deeply, despite the circumstances. I will continue to hope and pray for reconciliation, but I must also find strength within myself to move forward and build a fulfilling life for myself and my other children.
It is my hope that one day my son will see through the manipulations and the lies, and that he will find it in his heart to reconnect with me. Until then, I will hold onto the love I have for him and cherish the memories we once shared.
