When I was in my early 20s, I was living with my parents and their house had a flood, which caused a lot of stress. In the following weeks, there were some arguments, and my mom started shouting at me (I can’t even remember why), and I talked back to her (surprisingly, I don’t shout when I’m angry).
My dad was lying on the couch and joined in by calling me names too. I responded to him, and suddenly he stood up and went to open the front door, intending to kick me out. I watched him hesitate for a moment, but then he grabbed me, put me in a choke hold, and pulled my hair, forcing my head back. He repeatedly called me names and threatened to break my neck. My mom told him to let go, and eventually he did, but not until a minute had passed.
The next day, my neck was sore, and my dad’s thumb was injured because I had grabbed onto it while trying to free myself. Strangely enough, the first thing my mom did the next day was bring up how I had hurt my dad’s thumb and how wrong I was. Even during minor arguments, my mom often reminds me of how bad I was for injuring or spraining my dad’s thumb, completely ignoring the fact that I did it in self-defense because he had me in a hold and was threatening me.
Although this happened a few years ago and was only an occasional incident (he hit me once when I was 14), I still have moments where I feel very angry about it and sometimes imagine doing the same to him when he is older and weaker.
My anger mainly stems from the way my mom and family completely disregarded what happened, as if it didn’t matter. I’m also bitter because my dad knew he could get away with taking his anger out on me. He has never hit my mom because he knows he wouldn’t get away with it, even though they have had many loud arguments. This tells me that he could have controlled himself if he wanted to, which makes it even worse.
I’m not saying that I should be the center of attention, but I can’t help feeling bitter and angry about it from time to time. There are moments when I’m out with my mom (we generally get along well), and suddenly I become quiet as I remember what happened and how she dismisses the whole event.
You can call me self-righteous if you want, but if you do, please tell me how I can improve so that I’m not so angry.