I recently discovered that my father has been having an affair with another woman, which has left me feeling upset and confused. I suspect that my mother may already be aware of this, as there were signs indicating her knowledge during a trip we took together a few years ago.
She seemed deeply upset on the last day of the trip, and her feelings towards the other woman have been strained ever since. My younger brother and I were unaware of the reason behind her emotions, as she kept it a secret from us. However, I did come across some text messages between my mother and the other woman at that time, although I couldn’t fully comprehend their content as my mother had deleted parts of the conversation. She made an effort to shield my brother and me from this situation, and she remains unaware that I have now discovered the truth.
My father has been attempting to conceal his affair, but I stumbled upon the evidence while he was away from his phone. A notification led me to their text messages, and it became clear that this affair is ongoing. I’m unsure whether my mother is aware of the ongoing affair, as my father has been successful in hiding it from her. However, considering our family’s financial dependence on my father, I believe disclosing this to my mother would only cause harm
. I know she won’t leave him, and it would likely result in her experiencing hurt, embarrassment (that her daughter found out), and create significant family drama. Additionally, complicating matters further, the other woman is actually a relative of ours, which would have a detrimental impact on two families and our mutual relatives.
Today, my parents had a heated argument, which was distressing for me to witness. They rarely engage in such conflicts, as my mother has distanced herself emotionally from my father to a large extent. Their conversations mostly revolve around practical matters like finances, our well-being, and scheduling. Occasionally, when my father is in a good mood, they engage in more meaningful discussions.
It’s important to note that my paternal grandmother and her sister exhibit toxic behavior towards my mother, treating her poorly. While my mother never explicitly shares these incidents with my brother and me, I have witnessed enough to understand that she is mistreated. My father often listens to his mother and aunt, and their toxic influence appears to affect his relationship with my mother.
My mother does her utmost to keep all of this hidden from us, but I am perceptive and observant. I can sense her emotions and read her body language well. She is an incredible woman who works tirelessly to provide for our family’s needs. She sacrifices her sleep, helps us even when she’s unwell, and demonstrates exceptional dedication.
I know she remains in the marriage for the sake of my brother and me. I am determined to succeed in life and provide her with the happiness she deserves. However, it pains me to see her endure these difficulties. I have chosen not to disclose this information to anyone, as I want to protect everyone involved. I will do my best to show my mother love and make her feel appreciated and happy. I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with my friends or anyone in person, so I would appreciate any advice you can offer.
Furthermore, I want to mention that although my father is physically present, he is emotionally distant. Our interactions are limited, and although I hadn’t suspected his affair based on his behavior, the evidence I discovered now connects the dots regarding events from three and a half years ago and subsequent changes. He often displays a sense of superiority over my mother and occasionally raises his voice at her. I try to intervene and manage the situation, but I don’t always have control, and it can be exhausting. Their marriage seems imbalanced, with my father exerting dominance due to his higher education and financial independence, while my mother is not as educated as him and lacks financial independence.
Any bit of advice would help, I really need it, please.
